This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
