bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
