It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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