this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
