he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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