my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
