Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Pooping to opera.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
