U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
