If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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