Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
