smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize