I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
