If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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