MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
