Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
