i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
