when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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