anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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