By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
