Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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