i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
