i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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