Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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