Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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