If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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