I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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