You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
