I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
do nipples grow back?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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