Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize