I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
