the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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