who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
