It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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