dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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