the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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