You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
