All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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