Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
