He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
