Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
