Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
