the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone shattered a urinal.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
