omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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