and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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