I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
