so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
