he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize