So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
