You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
