Im at strip club and am horny
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
