he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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