and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
