Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
