I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
