I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
