So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
