You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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