shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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