she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
