Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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