My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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