I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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