Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
