I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
