Im at strip club and am horny
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
