when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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