I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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