It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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