What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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