not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
